Tag: love

The Power of Adoption

Every human being has a remarkable ability. It is the capacity to adopt. I have always been impressed by the fact that Saint Joseph adopted Jesus. He did not know exactly what was going on, he only knew that this child was not his own, not of his blood. He did not get angry, he did not blame Mary, he simply followed the word of the angel:

“Before Mary and Joseph lived together, she was found with child through the holy Spirit. Joseph her husband, since he was a righteous man, yet unwilling to expose her to shame, decided to divorce her quietly. Such was his intention when, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary your wife into your home. For it is through the holy Spirit that this child has been conceived in her. (…).” When Joseph awoke, he did as the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took his wife into his home. He had no relations with her until she bore a son, and he named him Jesus.” Mt 1:24-2:5

At God’s word, Joseph agreed to take in the little child. What a selfless act! To say: Although you are not my child, I will make you my child in the name of another, through my decision, with my strength, with my potential. I now call you my child and treat you as if you were my own. For men, it is important to have children of their own, to see themselves in their own flesh and blood. But they are also capable of freely accepting someone else’s child. In a sense, they have to do so anyway. For even their own child did not grow in their own body; when they see it for the first time, they must accept it as their own. The same is true for women: even though the child grows in their own body, women report that they still have to make an active decision that this is now their child. Ultimately, all children are not ours, they are God’s children, whom we are to adopt.

Adoption is a very human act. It truly reflects God’s love. For not only do we accept God’s children, but He also accepts us as His children. As St. Paul says: “In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will – to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.” Eph 1:5-6

If we live out this talent, if we take in those who would otherwise be lost and left without a father or mother, the world would be a more humane place.

God, I thank you for the example of Saint Joseph. He took a leap of faith, left his comfort zone, and took in a stranger. In doing so, he fulfilled your plan. Let me be just as selfless. Let me be a father or mother to all who need one. And I thank you for the privilege of being your child!

Whatever you do with love

Sometimes we are not successful. Sometimes we have done things in vain. Sometimes we have put a lot of effort in something, but it did not turn out the way we wanted. There are many things that can interfere, the weather, stupid accidents, our health. Often it is the people who don’t go along what we had aimed for, our bosses, our colleagues. Sometimes it is the evil one who crosses out our plans. At times, it’s just ouselves who are too weak.

Our reaction to all of this is crucial. A first response could be immediate frustration, anger, even depression. And the question is: Why? Why not? Why me? The only salvation in these moments is to detach from the situation and try to look from the point of view of God. What would He say? What will he say, when he comes again? He will not only and not necessarily look at the outcome of our deeds, efforts, and dreams, he will look how we did all of this. Did we do it with love? Whatever we have done with love cannot have been in vain. Our love in itself was worth it. Even if people don’t see it, even if the fruit does not show, we acted out of the right motivation. A love you have spent for somebody or for a group has always an effect, even if it cannot be seen, yet.

We could approach our daily life in this way. It is enough if we do what we do with love. It will change me, it will change the world. “Faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love,” says St. Paul (1 Cor 13:13). These three are never given in vain. If this would not be the case, the life, the passion, and the death of Jesus would have been totally without any sense. His mission ended without success. But because it was done out of love for his father, out of love for his brothers and sisters, his mission finally reached its goal, until today. If we follow him in these manner, our life will make sense, no matter what happens.

Lord, let me work to love more, every day. Let not a single day go by without a good deed done out of love, a faithfulness motivated by love, a creativity inspired by love. You are love, and I thank you that you love me. Help me not to forget to love myself. Come, o Holy Spirit of love!

How to Deal with Divisions – in Politics, Religion, and Family

During my vacation I had the opportunity to travel and talk to many people, people with different opinions and political and religious views. My impression was confirmed that the “fronts” are hardened. Even if you want to stay in the middle ground, there is a dynamic that pushes you into one bubble or the other. For the Church, this is certainly to her disadvantage. For our countries, it probably is also. So how can we deal with the fact that we are divided? I see three ways. They each depend on how I determine distance and closeness.

1.    I keep my distance from the other group. I do not want anything to do with them. I do not agree with their views and do not see any way I can reconcile that. I am not even willing to do that, because I am convinced that there is nothing to negotiate or agree on.

>> That’s fine. Only I would recommend applying Jesus’ word: Bless those who curse you (Luke 6:28), pray for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:44). Do not curse them, but bless them. From the distance, which is best for both at the moment, I throw a small blessing across the river, just asking the Lord: Please, bless them. And then I let the Lord do it, without engaging myself.

 2.   I don’t avoid the others. Maybe I can’t. And in some ways I don’t want to, maybe because the others are part of my family or we have had a good relationship in the past, a good history together.

>> I focus on what we have in common. On common goals. I leave aside what is different and appreciate that we have grown differently. It is what it is, right now. I don’t avoid it, but I keep focusing on the things that connect us. And enjoy them.

“Is Christ divided?” (1 Cor 12:13). No, he is not.

3.   If I have a very good relationship with someone; if I really respect and appreciate him or her, I dare to raise the controversial issue. I honestly say how I see things, always speaking of myself and my experiences. Then I listen to how the other person sees it. I do not necessarily look for a harmonious outcome of the discussion and am willing to suffer from the fact that we do not come together. But we are still together.

It is worth consciously discerning what kind of closeness or distance I want to have, respecting my intuition. In all three ways, I don’t break completely with the other side, at least in my thoughts. It is not easy to have love and truth together. But if we don’t try, the division will grow, and that will not be a good end for either me or the other.

When a house is divided against itself, the house cannot stand. (Mark 3:25)

Lord, it is you who can bring us together. Through your suffering, death, and ressurection you have set us free. Be with us all. Let me pray before I speak and act. Let truth prevail. Let love prevail. Your will be done.

The Morning Kiss

Recently I was a guest in a family. I witnessed a little conversation between the husband and his wife. It was in the morning. He was about to leave for work, she was still sitting at the breakfast table. She said, “You haven’t given me a kiss yet”. She said this without resentment. She was just reminding him. He kissed her immediately. It was nothing special, nothing extraordinary, not even worth mentioning. And yet: I realized how important this ritual was for them. This kind of ritual is important for each of us. To tell someone in the morning, I love you. To show it and tell him. And to receive the same gesture; to hear: I love you.

God has given us the gift and the ability of intimacy. It is a grace to be able to express our love to the other. The same is true for our relationship with God. How could our relationship with God, who has given us this gift, be different? We can express our love for Him in similar ways: a little morning prayer, a little “hello” to God, the kiss on the icon. Everyone has his or her own way.

When the soul receives a kiss from the Godhead, it stands in complete perfection and bliss. (Meister Eckhart, DW I,172-4.6)

Intimacy needs signs and gestures. The daily kiss does not have to be overly authentic. I can’t fully express what my innermost is every day. The ritual is important, the fact that I just do it. It has an effect. Its regularity as an effect. It is to remind me, God loves me. He loved me yesterday, He loves me today, and He will love me tomorrow. I want to hear that from Him every day. I need it. And I think he wants to hear it from me, too. We should not miss our “morning kiss” with Him. I should do it even if I don’t feel like it. Feelings change. His love remains.

He may kiss me with kisses of his mouth! Yes, your love is more beautiful than wine. (Song of Songs 1:2)

Lord, you asked Peter: Do you love me? You wanted to hear from his love. He answered, Yes, I love you; you know that I love you. I pray with his words: “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Show me your love and tenderness, every day.

Giving Compliments

Recently a friend said to me: It is part of a good partnership to give each other compliments. Sometimes to say, “You’re beautiful”. “You’re gorgeous”. “I’m so lucky to have you”. “You’ve done so well.” “What would I do without you?” We don’t always have to use superlatives, a simple compliment is already balm for the other person’s soul and a sign of love. If you never compliment your beloved, something is missing.

I’ve been thinking about how we can do the same with the Lord. To compliment Him. We do it in the Liturgy of the Hours, “You are great” “You do wonderful things” (Psalm 86:10). “How deep are your plans!” (Psalm 92:6). “Wonderful are your works” (Psalm 139:14). In this way we express our love for Him. Does He also compliment us? Yes, He does. In the very beginning, when we were created, God “looked at everything He had made and found it very good.” We also see Jesus complimenting people: “In no one in Israel have I found such faith” (Matthew 8:10). “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” (Matthew 25:21). “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah” (Matthew 16:17).

It does us good to hear compliments. It makes us happy, it gives us strength. Even if we already know that the other person loves us, sometimes we want to hear it. God himself doesn’t necessarily need our compliments, as a preface to the Eucharist knows: “You don’t need our praise; it’s a gift of your grace that we give you thanks.” But we do need the compliments. It is a grace to receive them, and it is a grace to give them. We shouldn’t wait to do it. It’s a small thing. It can be done at any time. Not as empty rhetoric, but as a true expression of our friendship and love.

Lord, beloved Son of God. Thank you for showing us the Father’s love. Not only in words. But also by healing us, comforting us, guiding us, protecting us, forgiving us – even suffering for us. Let us never forget your love. Blessed are you.

Isn’t She Lovely?

“Isn’t she lovely?” Stevie Wonder sang, stunned by the birth of his first daughter, adoring her when he first saw her. “Isn’t she pretty? Isn’t she lovely made from love?” Looking at his baby made him proud and humble and happy. And he started to praise God: “I can’t believe what God has done. Through us He’s given life to one.” So it is true for every father and mother what the Psalm says:

“I will sing of your majesty above the heavens with the mouths of babes and infants.” (Psalm 8,2-3)

How fascinating that Wonder was inspired by his daughter to write this song. Isn’t that an incredible phenomenon that a parent can be inspired by his child? Honestly, I have never seen a parent who was not inspired by his child. And even if he would not love his own – something you can hardly imagine – he would still be inspired.

If it is true that God, the Father in heaven, is an even greater and more loving father, I dare to think that He also is inspired by the birth of each of his children. I dare to imagine that He, whose love is abundant, starts singing, full of happiness and love whenever a human is born: “Isn’t she lovely? Isn’t he lovely? Isn’t she wonderful? Isn’t he precious?” And he continues to sing.

That God not only created me, but that I also inspire him is breathtaking. It is his love that makes this possible. His love comes to completion when he sees us. I am lovely because I am made from love. The history of men and God has proven it. God did not just create us and throw us into this world. When He saw us “the first time”, he fell even more in love with us–so precious were we, so wonderful. Because of this he can never let go of us.

Lord, it touches me deeply to think you sing a love song for me like Stevie Wonder did for his daughter. I am precious to you. Nothing and nobody can cancel that out. Let me live in this love. Let me hear your song for me. The song of love you are singing for me.

He rejoices in me—really?

It was a usual Wednesday morning. I was half awake, half asleep while I was saying prayers. All of a sudden, one verse strikes me:

“As a bridegroom rejoices in his bride
so shall your God rejoice in you.” Isaiah 62:5

I think how beautiful that is! I have witnessed bridegrooms rejoicing in their brides and brides rejoicing in their grooms. Such freshness of love! How beautiful it is when somebody rejoices in me, when it gives another joy to see me.

Then I am looking at myself, thinking: it was 33 years ago that I entered the monastery with butterflies in my stomach. But now? Not so much. At least while I am praying, I succeed in lifting up this longing to God, although I feel myself far away from this state. I share with God that I would like to be loved this way again, as the prophet Isaiah says: God rejoices in me. I want to feel it, to experience it, while knowing that all spiritual and mystic traditions say that experiencing and feeling it is not as important as believing in it. I end my prayers by starting my daily work and schedule with a new kind of curiosity: Would I see God today, in fact, rejoicing in me, in my being?

I was surprised how my day changed with this simple prayerful question! I felt peace, I felt joy. I saw good things happening around me. I did not pay too much attention to the bad things. It is a truth: God is happy with me and he rejoices in my being—and that changes everything. Often we don’t like ourselves—and for good reasons. Still, God loves each of us, and is happy to see us, to have us around him, to talk with us.

Lord, don’t let me forget how much you love me. “You did not choose me, but I chose you”, I hear you saying (John 15:16). I don’t know how I merit this kind of love—but it just fills my heart with great joy, serenity, and gratitude.

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